Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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