so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
