Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
