Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
