apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
