guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
