Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I still have a little drunk in my system
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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