Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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