two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
