my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
