So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
