yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Blood and glitter go together right?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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