Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
