come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
