You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
