Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
