Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
