he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
