I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
