I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
