I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
