something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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