Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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