No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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