Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
