He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
