You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
