matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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