I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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