When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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