U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
