Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
