Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
