Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
