You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
