meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
