If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's never too late to be topless.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
