you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
