I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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