Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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