Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
