i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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