He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
