the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
