Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
