i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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