she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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