awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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