Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
