dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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