I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
