Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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