i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
