you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
